"My Teardrops are Fireballs aimed at The Castles"
- a poem collection by Kamila Batavia
My Teardrops Are Fireballs Aimed at the Castles is a collection of quiet uprisings; poems born from memory, longing, and silent defiance. Each verse is a fragment of Kamila Batavia’s inner terrain, where sorrow softens into beauty, and fragility burns with quiet strength.
These are not just poems; they are relics of feeling, carried like embers through time.
Satu, Dua, Tiga (2025)
Satu, dua, tiga
Dua detak tak senada
Tiga musim dukacita
Tertatih dalam renjana
Empat, lima, enam
Kubiarkan lampu padam
Berselimut langit malam
Pemerhati yang terpejam
Jiwa yang berkelana
Mencari arti di dua benua
Tersanjung sorak, terbunuh hampa
Maka, aku harus pulang kemana?
- Kamila Batavia
To Whom Do I Belong (2024)
To whom do I belong?
I belong to the wind that blows,
the sun that rises and the sky that falls
I’m a bonfire lit to keep you warm
With every touch and every whisper
With barely strings attached and a few promises ahead
I burn for you like the summer sun
To whom do I belong?
I belong to the tears that fell as I wished you well
To the heart that aches every time our hands shake
To the uncertain future that knows no fear
I haunt like a ghost when you’re not near
To whom do I belong?
I belong to the moon and the stars that shine brightly
To the records played on the radio daily
I belong to nobody
but only to the strongest memories
As the past has become my permanent residency
- Kamila Batavia
Schau mir noch ein Weilchen in die Augen (2024)
Schau mir noch ein Weilchen in die Augen
Bevor die Dämmerung anbricht
Bevor du mir das Blaue vom Himmel versprichst
Lass mich in deine Augen verlieren
Im All will ich mit dir schweben
Von der Erde will ich mit dir abdriften
Schau mir noch ein Weilchen in die Augen
Bevor du dich umdrehst
Bevor deine Hand meine loslässt
Denn gleich danach wer weiß
Ob die Meteoriten krachen mögen
Ob die Sternen explodieren mögen
Und ob die Planeten zusammenstoßen mögen
Wenn alles sich dem Ende zuneigt,
Ist ein Augenblick die Ewigkeit
- Kamila Batavia
My Moon and My Sun (2024)
My moon’s in Sagittarius, so is my sun
So when I love, I blaze like a gun
The Archer is my moon, and so is my sun
I sear like a star when you lips touch mine
They say water and fire don’t combine
When you search your ways through, you’ll lose your lifeline
Can’t navigate through the waves, can’t make it to the shoreline
But don’t they know where my planets align?
My moon’s the centaur, so is my sun
I move like a wildfire, burning things to the ground
- Kamila Batavia
Mercusuar dan Gelombang Samudera Biru (2024)
Aku lah sang mercusuar
Yang membara di pekat malam
Sehingga kau dapat berlabuh lagi
Di bibir pantai,
Di antara asa dan renjana
Sesaat atau selamanya,
Aku tak tahu
Aku lah sang mercusuar
Yang tegak berdiri mengamati
Bagaimana kau kembali lalu pergi
Membekas bagai luka yang tak kunjung tertutup rapi
Sesaat atau selamanya,
Duka lara tak berujung
Jika suatu saat nanti kau bernavigasi kembali
Jangan harapkan belas kasihku
Kali ini kan ku padamkan cahayaku
Biarlah deru gelombang samudra biru memburumu
Di bawah langit kelam tak berbintang
- Kamila Batavia
My Train Is Moving Backwards (2021)
I hate it when I feel powerless
But I hate it more when I feel powerful
It gives me a sense of imaginary victory,
an oasis in the desert,
a boat in an open sea,
a pinch of mercy on the scaffold while I wait for my turn
My head hurts thinking about this but it’s always been that way
When the engine starts and the cabin lights are on, my train is moving backwards
I hate it when I feel like I’m going to die
But I hate it more when I feel alive
It gives me a sense of uncertainty
of whether I’ll always cherish the warm ray of sunlight sneaking
through the storm clouds in May,
the smell of freshly baked croissants on a dull cloudy day,
or the beats of my favorite song that synchronize with the flickering
lights I see in the tunnel while my train goes in reverse
To the depths of the sea
To the cosmic void
Or to its impending doom
I hate to write and glance at the satellite
When it is time to pull up a fight
To resist not to die inside
And to wish myself a decent night
- Kamila Batavia
End of Summer (2019)
Glistening two green tourmalines stare into the ocean
A figure of a man that causes a tidal wave of emotions
The train of thoughts that never reaches the finish line
The dreams that withered on the vine
Summer ends with you leaving me behind and the tinkle of wind chimes at noontime
- Kamila Batavia
Rose Palette (2019)
Rose palette on the cabinet,
made of porcelain from Tibet,
Rose palette, prussian blue,
I painted a picture of you.
Blithesome summer days,
to the rhythm we slow danced,
With pride on your shoulders,
your tender kisses last forever.
Riding in a hansom,
beneath the cherry blossoms,
Leaning forlornly on the window,
“Now is the time for me to go.”
You wore blue velvet with gold lace,
a mature captain of solace,
inheriting a beauteous face,
taking over the vessel on ocean’s surface.
Hurls of waves, emotional distress,
I stood on the beach in scarlet dress.
In my palms died a nosegay of daisy,
When will you return to me?
Empty chambers and vacant study,
I gathered dead flowers in a posy.
Laying on the bed, putting the fire out in the lantern,
Tonight and ahead, I might die of concern.
My rose palette broke in two,
I couldn’t finish my painting of you.
Our rose palette, dark pitch-black,
I heard, you wont be coming back.
- Kamila Batavia
Garden Path (2019)
I recall
The rose peonies on your cheeks
Long hair as blonde as corn silk
You casted the ghastly winter away
By the door, we welcomed the warmest night of summer
My white daisy in the Spring,
In my ears, I hear you sing
among the roar of thunders and the lash of waves that came as a salvation
Salvation
Salvation for my sins
For leading you up the garden path filled with thorns and enclosed by hogweeds
Lethality, adversity, serenity combined
For living the lies of modernity and deadly passions
Morning kisses a thousand times
Insatiable how a grown man can become
I still demand more of your tenderness
To be the core of your universe
Forgive me for the man I have become
We danced, kissed, and loved in the most wrong space of time
The world is of resentment and deceit!
My chest ignites like a fire
At death's door above the salt water
My companion is around, sipping the tea.
He patiently waits for me to come, holding the key.
I wish you'd lie next to me.
- Kamila Batavia